What? Tomatoes aren't treats?

Okay--so I'm lying here in bed, crying to Lehi about why I've been so irritated, grumpy, angry, and generally not happy today. I get so frustrated because I have days like this, and I don't know why. He suggested it might be that female thing; I quickly poo-pooed that! (Which suggests it really is. . . .) Anyway, I really get down sometimes because I can't seem to control when I feel like this, and I don't know how to stop it. I was about in tears tonight because I just don't seem to be happy. That's depressing to me. (Uh--yah?!)

So, I was telling him that I really wish I could be one of those moms that are happy when their kids get home from school, that I'd like to be excited. He said that can't happen because then I'd be translated. I said, "Is that the only imperfection I have?" Wouldn't that be nice? Anyway, I went on to tell him that I can't seem to let go, to give up control. I'd like to be a mom who makes a yummy smoothie for an after-school treat. And we all sit down to drink them and talk about the day. But, no, when my girls ask for an after-school snack I tell them they need to do their homework and then they can have a tomato! As soon as I said that to Lehi he busted out laughing which, in turn, caused me to laugh, and I think that's the first time I've laughed today. I want so much for my family to be healthy and do what's right that I'm afraid I'm taking all of the fun out of living. That's horribly sad! Why can't I loosen up? What am I afraid of?

I decided I'd be a really good mom this afternoon, tho, and meet my girls at the bus-stop. It was their first day to ride home on the bus. Now, mind you, I didn't really know where the drop-off was, just the road. So, I'm walking down the road, assuming I'd see the bus. But, no, after a while I see the girls and some neighbor kids walking toward me, and I never did see the bus! They ran to me, with their arms open wide, and we started walking toward home. However, all the other kids started cutting across a field of weeds and stickers and I didn't want to walk thru that with my flip-flops on. The girls did. So, needless to say, I walked to the bus-stop (which I still don't know where it is.) alone, and I walked home alone. When I shared this story with Lehi he said, "Maybe it's because you give them tomatoes for treats!" But then he followed it up with, "But they sure love you! We know that!" I guess I know I'm blessed, but I'm not so sure my family is!

Someone needs to teach me how to lighten up, and to convince me that it's okay! C'mon--cookies and chocolate milk are certainly better than tomatoes, right?